The Daily

2007-02-07T14:13:00.000-08:00

just want to make sure this doesnt self destruct,

Gargle

2006-10-16T18:13:00.000-07:00

"Ya wake up... ya gargle... you go to work... you come home, you gargle and you die!"

Words of the genius Mr. Grandpa McK-ner-nan. The blog has died, I mean sure, it gargeled for a bit (and Im almost positive I am spelling gargle wrong) but all in all it died in the end.

Dahv

P.s

torrrrrrrrque

First Night in ‘O’ Town

2006-09-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

Just as a quick note… Matt and I will be broadcasting from our separate locations.

So we arrived today at about 4:20 in the afternoon. Things for the most part were going smoothly (aside from my car sickness, coupled with Peter’s overall frustrations on the way here). The first place we went to was Peter’s house to drop off a few of his things and free up some of the space in the Saturn, or the brave little toaster as I like to call it. We unloaded, met Pete’s roommate and got back into the car to go to A.C. The game plan was that once I arrived at August, which is actually nice on the eye and find out where I was going to drop all of my things.
Ideally, I wanted to drop my stuff at the dorm for the guys, so I could check the scenes and try and pick my room. Knowing that the other two guys that I am going to be living with are arriving tomorrow I figure this is a key chance to get a good feel for my living environment for the year. When we arrive at Augustine college, mom and Pete are introduced to the two main guys that I met when I went to my interview there. Edward, my philosophy teacher, also known as the dean of admissions, and Harold, who is the communications guy dealing with all of the miscellaneous things that you would encounter in a post-secondary envI
Harold and Edward, after a short visit, agree that it is a good idea that I drop off all of my things at the house. I’m awarded my keys for the school and the house and Harold gives me a hand drawn map to where I am going to be living. When we get to the house It hits us that I am like a block and a bit away from Pete, super close…..which you know he secretly despises.
I enter the house, which seems nice from the outside… you know, cool garden, pretty well kept, open the door and realize that the lord has been overly generous. I mean, this place, compared to some of the other first houses our 1st year fam students have seen, is full blown. Wicked kitchen, sweet backyard, living room, study/library, three nice big rooms, like a sweet deal guys! I was so happy! I was picturing some shanty with wooden framed windows and saran wrap in the middle. To top it off, im in one of the coolest places in town. So you know I was and still are, all about it….. but like most things, and I have to quote dad on this one because it is so dead on… there is always one.
Pete and I went and played a video game tonight. Mom stayed at Mich’s place and gave me the car so long as I make sure she gets it back tomorrow morning. After the game, I dropped Pete off at his place and drove over to my place for the first lonesome night. I get on to the street and realize that because it is so dark I am going to have some mad trouble reading the numbers. I pull in front of what looks like the house and get out of the car to check out which one of the 2 in front of me it actually is… with tensions already high and reality knocking at my door I realize that the old family paranoia is setting in. To make matters worse once I am out of the car I hear someone yell
“Hey”
‘great,’ I think to myself.. oh well the person probably is not talking to me.
… again, “hey… hey you!”
semi sketching, turn around
It occurs to me that someone is in fact trying to get my attention, so now…. Im getting shifty.
“hey you, hey! What are you looking for”
the shady sketch is now walking towards me and I’ve become fully panicked
“what are you looking for?”
and for real, he is saying it in a creepy voice and walking towards me, normally under these circumstances I would respond to the person, and say something to let them know that I am not intimidated, usually this actually really helps and I have had to deal with a lot of bully’s this year at the basketball courts. But in all honesty, I was too freaked out. So in a quasi-sketch, I got into the car and drove away... hoping I was on the wrong street. Turns out I wasn’t, and I was about to go back to Pete’s place and explain the situation, but by then I had the courage and I returned to the house. Looks like the local heckler called it a night.

O town.

What else do you have in store for me?

This House Is Haunted

2006-08-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

(matt is writing) Ok, this is so messed up. It is Sunday afternoon and the skys are kinda dark. It is overcast outside. I am sitting on the couch watching t.v. As I am dosing off, I hear a knock at the door. I look through the glass hole and I do not see anybody. So I yell, "whos there?". A nice kind woman responds and says, "Hello". Once I heard a sweet older womans voice, I opened the door. As we get talking, it turns out that this woman and her daughter are visiting from B.C. They droped by the house because they use to know a family who lived here. I got the entire lowdown on our house. It turns out that the mafia use to live in our house. They had under ground tunnels in the basement. When the police came to the house, they would escape out of the tunnels with drugs and money. So I went downstairs with this woman and her daughter and looked for the tunnels. When we got downstairs, we looked all around for the tunnels. In our basement, there are 4 small rooms that we never understood why they were there. I looked in the 4 rooms and in one of the rooms, there was a wooden board on the floor. It looked like it was covering a hole. I lifted up the wooden board and there it was. A dark black hole. I found the tunnel! It was unreal. I could not believe I found a tunnel in our house. To me it looked like a dark black hole, but when we took a closer look at it, we thought it was the tunnel. Later today, when Vanessa gets home, Monica, Vaness and I are going to go down there with a flashlight and take a closer look at the tunnel. I will keep ya'll posted.

Yall been hatin'

2006-08-19T11:00:00.000-07:00

Ight jiggas. We haven't posted very many blogs lately because we have been travelling. We are resuming work for SF on Monday so stay tuned for the lastest travesties. Don't worry, we will keep it real. Calm your VAG!.haha.

A poem for mom

2006-08-19T02:02:00.000-07:00

Oh how I wish I could put in to word
The feeling I get, it’s like the song of a bird
It’s sweet,
And I how I love you.
When I weep at your feet.

Mommy I love you there nothing to say
Each morning I wake, as you baby boy Dave.

I treasure you mom, ill give you my life
And when I break down, its you by my side.
You’re there for me now, when I need you the most
When I’m falling down, and beginning to cost.

I think of you mom, and just what you did
Eight children to feed, your little fifth kid.
I bumbled around, as you broke your back
My father away, You never looked back.

With a star in your eye and ring on you head
You sang me sweet rhymes and laid me to bed.
I think of you mom, this afternoon
How lucky I was, to come from you womb.

Caught in the Nude

2006-08-02T12:19:00.000-07:00

So today was reportedly one of the hottest days in totronto ever to be recorded. Matt and I were doing are usual thing, making jokes, doing the odd business errand, checking mail both on computer and for the house. We also were enjoying frequent swims in the very sweet pool on the regs. Today, because of the heat, and also because matt and I were the only two home, we were skinny dipping during the day. Nudity, man… sometimes it feels good to rock out with your cock out.
So anyway, at around 4pm matt and I decide that the pool osnt cutting it, we need a little more exercise. Mom just picked up a new tennis raquet and we figured that it would be fun to have a couple of games and work up a good sweat. So we did, we came home and swam again.
After that, Rosie came home, and started bustling around. She was being really cool, cracking the odd joke herfe and there. She was going to have a few friends over soon for a barbecue. Considering Matt and I had actually spent most of the day preparing for the Vermont trip, we figured this was a key time to catch the last skinny. (Apoligies if I didn’t mention the whole Vermont thing b4)
So we went for the dip. Made our usual jokes. It was all well and good. Matt mentioned how it would be funny if I got caught naked taking an outdoor shower after the swim because he was going to be first to shower and Rosies friends were coming sometime soon. I shrugged it off with a laugh and continued to swim around as matt proceeded to shower.
Suddenly, our fear became a reality. A car pulled into the driveway. (Im actually still killing myself laughing as I write this)

Matt yelled “oh shit, somebody is here” …. No movement to hide
Between laughter, I swallow a mouthful and
Immediatly, I duck under and swim to the nearest wall. I figure I can somehow maneuver to hide my lower half.
Matt however was not so lucky.
He assumed that the driver of the car would continue around the bend of the driveway, allowing him to use the cabbana as coverage. Instead, the car stopped directly in full view of Matt. When I looked over, to see what Matt had done to cover himself I realized that he made an error in judgment. So with his eyes wide, matt dashed into the cabbana, buck naked,
So now matt is in the cabbanna washroom. Im up against the wall of the pool dying from laughter. The person in the car steps out.
We were lucky, because it ended up just being one guy, when I fully was expecting 4 of her close girlfriends to get out and start laughing at me.
Instead I made a joke about Matt to the guy, and he laughed and asked where Rosie was. I directed him inside with a wide grin on my face.

Matthew Mckernan fully exposed

One of the best and funniest things that has happened to me in a long time.

☺

The Blindfold

2006-07-31T11:05:00.000-07:00

Late to bed - Late to rise. These have been the scenes of the last month for Dave and I. Recently, I have been getting up earlier than Dave and noticed there was an obscure blindfold on his face. I must admit, it is pretty sunny when Dave and I awake in the morning, but whats the deal with the blindfold? For the last few weeks I have been waking up, taking a glance at Daves side of the room and what do I see? - his hairy butt and a fuckin blindfold. Finally I asked Dave why he wares this thing and he told he that it blocks the sun from his eyes and makes him sleep better. I was like, "Dude, who the fuck sleeps in their bed with a blindfold on"? He laughed and told me to put on my life jacket. What a random.
P.S. Is blindfold 2 words? haha.i dunno.

Mattie Mqwad on the loose

2006-07-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

As you read this little mattie mckern is on a boating trip gone wrong. With winds pusshing velocities beyond your wildest imagination, mattie mckern, and his asian sidekick Justin, are docking the already terrified motor boat. Shades of Katrina? Only time will tell. Lets just hope matt dosnt have to tie himself to a tree when the tide is high, and wake up the next day 40 feet up (those of you who truly remember Ray’s tales of the sea know this one) however, those who don’t, a quick tale if I may
It begins in the ocean, our main character, none other than some sailor fanatic who had ‘tales for the tellin.’ Of course when filtered through S.F, what was a little white cap, becomes a title wave with the ability to wipe out half of North America. So apparently, this sailor lets call him Joe Fink, found himself caught in a horrible storm of the sea. So bad that eventually he was thrown from his boat. In the midst of this commotion, he somehow finds a way to lasso himself to what appears to be some sort of post. Eventually, because of the surge of the storm, or the jack Daniel’s, he passes out. Only to awake the next morning, apparently 40 feet in the air, suspended from a tree.
Say your prayers
Dahv
P.s. he is a very smart kid and I am positive that him and his friend will both be ok.

Golden quotes from S.F.

2006-07-21T17:34:00.000-07:00

The most recent, inspired by my trip to Wasaga:
“Fuckin, he goes to Wasaga beach for the day, and fuckin he fucks off…ya kno? fuckin he fucks off”

A true classic
“Well I can’t answer that, you kno? That’s like asking me how long is a piece of string?”

Dad semi irritated
“Oh fuck meee”

One of his personal fav’s
“a famous quote from a shrewd Jew I once did business with, he said to me ‘Steve…. There are more thieves than people”

Turning around in the car when there’s a small fight
“Kids! If there’s any more problems, there’s gonna be problems”
Everyone tries to hide his or her laughter.

An old one
“yorgiee”

A small story quote
“hey guys you know that movie with the killer whale, and the M.J soundtrack? Well one day the whale walks into the store and asks the clerk how much an item is…. She responds… ‘Its free…..Willie”
(so cheesy its good)

Inspirationals
“Never give up”, “never do things half baked”, “follow your dreams”, “trust no one in business”, “when the goin gets tuff, the tuff get goin (though ide adlib that one… but he usually has something to that extent)

A quick Visual
“so heres the holding company” shift pepper shaker left “and here is entertainment royalty” moves the fork, “and I come along” the stray carrot finds its way into the mix and the most confusing display of company structure’s and transactions will have you baffeled for the next three hours.

S.F….. truly one of a kind

P.s. check out the Beckenstien blog

Beckinstein

2006-07-21T17:32:00.000-07:00

Meet Beckinstein; otherwise known as Bekenburger or just plain ol’ Becky. She came on board with the production team about 3 weeks ago. She gained the above names from a jealous gentleman named David McKernan. Her job was to take the leads that Dave and I generated from our dials, and book appointments. Dave thought that she was going to “stir the pot”. Repeatedly making comments to me like “fuckin..Beckinsteins’ stirin the pot”.

Beckinstein has turned out to be quite a character. She sends Dave daily love letters and assists Dad in doing everything from paying bills to cleaning up dads shit in the office. It turned out that Beckinstein was not great at booking appointments. But then again, who could with a name like that. She booked a total of about 3 appointments in a week. Dave and I recently took over the appointment bookings and have booked Ray a total of 15 appointments in 2 days. Needless to say, Dave has nothing to be jealous about. I think he just needs a Beckenburger.

The Latest Work Fiasco

2006-07-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, on my way to Wasaga beach I get a frantic phone call from Matt on the Cell. As the phone rings I hesitate to answer because when this Nigga calls, he usually means business. So after debating with myself in my head, I decide to pick up the phone:
"Dave?"
"yea man, what’s up?"
"why the fuck do you have the phone? Where is mom?"
"mom left it at the house so I decided to use it, whats up?"
"yo man, you need to get the fuck home, fucking dads calling me every two minutes asking me for files and shit and now I have to go and fedex him this shit and where the fuck is mom and fuck fuck fuck."
… great Ray is on a Rampage and I’m on the 400 north… perfect timing..
"ok Matt relax, what do you mean you cant get a hold of mom? She’s at work"
"yea man I know and I called her, Im stranded here, I need a car so I can get this shit to dad. Where are you"
"dude, I’m on my way to Wasaga,.. fuck let me turn around."
Now, I’m pissed, Matt’s pissed, mom is bumbling around somewhere at the local church, and dad is frothing out the mouth…..as only ray can provoke, absolute chaos.
"ok Matt, what exactly do you need, you need a car, and what else?"
"dad needs me to FedEx him these files so I need the car and moms credit card so I can do it"
"ok im going to moms work"
Click
Mom is nowhere to be found. The Vein in my neck is getting larger, and now I beginning to concoct visions of dad flailing allover the place in a full blown rage. Pulling a "oh fuck me…. Where the fuck is David, you fucking tell David that were gonna have a serious talk when he gets home." But through my experiences with dad and his fits, I’ve grown to learn that you must do everything in your power to bust a chill vibe. However, with that McKernan blood kickin’ in the blood stream it is very hard to do.
Anyway, long story short it all worked out, and when dad got mad on the phone at us that night, Matt and I shut his ass right down. Things were really great today, Matt and I booked dad 8 appointments with some serious G’s who have millions. Say a prayer, or knock on a piece of wood…
In conclusion Rest well, and as Pete would say….
Dream of Large Women

First Boat trip

2006-07-14T18:48:00.000-07:00

So after a month of not being able to use the piece of gold sitting in the Garage, AKA the boat, Matt and I conspired to ask Dad if we could take her out for a spin. This was no easy task. Not only is Raymond one of the hardest people on the face of the earth to ask to a favor, when it comes to the water, we “don’t fuck around.” So late yesterday night, when the mood was just right, and when that pickle up dads ass was in just the right spot, I popped the question, so Ray “can we take it out for the day?” Making an unintentional rhyme of course….. Dad was quick to shoot down the idea, originally responding, well Dave I don’t know…. But sure enough, with a little elbow grease, I was able to persuade the master persuader.
So we took her out today. The trip was excellent. Matt and I had everything down to a tee. From the battery hook up, to the extra bag of chips just in time of desperate need. It was all good, except for one minor detail. Ironically, this feeling at exactly the same time persuaded Matt and I, yep you guessed it…. Nature calls, and she wasn’t calling for a quick pee either, it was poofest 2006 and Me and Matt were stranded in the middle of good ol lake Simcoe. So luckily we had a bucket handy. Matt was first on the job, I haft to say, I don’t think I have had such a good laugh in a long time. It wasn’t the fact that we were pooing, it was just so funny to see my little brother grin as he innocently took a poo in a green pale. Treasured gold that will not soon be forgotten. Of course I was up to bat second, lets just say I hit a homer… Matt had a great laugh too at my expense. In any case, enough toilette humor! All in all it was a great excursion, and defiantly the first of many to come for the summer, we even checked out that property dad has been looking at…. You know, the one for 3 mill!!

Posted by Dave n Matt

My Website

2006-07-14T18:38:00.000-07:00

Many of you heard that I was going to create my very own website this summer. Indeed i did and the result can be seen at: www.postadds.net/creation. It is not fully complete but it is coming along. Take a look and let me know what you think.

Posted By Matt

The Beginning

2006-07-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

(Dave) Fukinnnnn, this will be the most ridiculous, retarded, uncut, uncensored version of Matthew and David’s daily life. It will incorperate the latest Ray updates, everything from the nitty to the gritty, and best of all Matt and My daily trials and tribulations. So sit back, relax, enjoy the ride just a bit, because Kansas is going bye bye.